Birthday Speech

Birthday speech

Congratulations and celebrations… and heart palpitations! Yes, you need to give a birthday speech. Here’s a quick guide to writing a speech that’s full of fizz but won’t leave anyone with a hangover.

Birthday speech openers

First, thank people for attending. Even if people only had to fall out of bed to get there, it’s still nice to hear the words “thanks for coming”. Then there’s the “practical” thanks. Did someone make a cake, do the catering or host the event? If so, keep it short and sweet. Try to make each one a light-hearted remark so it’s not a list.

“When Claire makes a cake, it automatically becomes the star. I’m now just the best supporting actor!”

Birthday speech jokes

Welcomes and icebreakers

If the venue is close, you could talk about the bravery of having to travel to such a distant place. If it’s a regular haunt, you could joke that “some of you probably won’t even need to go home tonight.”

Age jokes

The bad thing about ageing is that we can’t avoid it. The good thing is that it’s the most relatable thing in the world. So, let’s look at some birthday age jokes or observations:

“I’m living proof that age does not always mean wisdom.”

“People talk about maturing like wine or cheese, but I’ve never understood that. Wine and cheese never last more than a day in our house!”

“They say 60 is the new 50. But that didn’t work when I was stopped for speeding the other day.”

“The great thing about getting older is that I forget something new every day.”

NOTE: Take care with tone. If it’s a significant birthday you can poke fun at yourself but be careful with “senior” jokes if it’s someone else.

Simple birthday speech structure

A birthday speech is not expected to be long or elaborate. Your local bookshop is unlikely to stock “Great birthday speeches” with a cover featuring Martin Luther King, JFK and Churchill. So, keep it simple. Here’s a typical birthday speech structure:

• Welcomes and amusing opening lines
• Thanks that relate to the event itself
• Main stories or extended thanks e.g. to family or friends
• A quick wrap up and a final sign off to “enjoy the evening”
• A toast if the speech is in honour of someone else

Ideas for the main section

If you’re giving the speech in honour of someone else, you will want to pick a good mix of stories. Aim for a mix of humour and praise. Potential areas include: a story that is emblematic of a foible or a talent; a career or family milestone; a notable holiday.

Ideas for an 18^th or 21^st birthday speech

You might be a mum or dad giving a few words about your son or daughter’s 18^th or 21^st birthday. It’s therefore likely that there will be lots of friends of a similar age there. So, a long, earnest speech is probably not in order. A couple of fun stories they might not have heard before would go down very well. Here are some potential topics:

• If they’ve learned to drive, have they had any adventures as a new driver?
• Are they on the point of going to college? How will you hope without the noise, mess and expense?!
• Can you compare and contrast this event with their 5^th birthday party? You’re not sure which one is going to end with more tantrums and lost items!
• Do they have a close set of friends from school or college that are present? Are there any jokes you’d like to share about them?

“I’d like to say her friends have led Caroline astray, but I think it’s more likely to be the other way around!”

Ideas for a “significant” birthday speech

Whether it’s for a 40^th or an 80^th birthday, here are some themes and ideas for a milestone birthday speech:

• Time passes but some things never change. “In my teens I was listening to Madonna / Michael Jackson / Wham! 40 years later and I still am!”
• “Where has the time gone?” Then a brief tour of how you’ve turned time into family, friends and fun.
• How you are still looking to the future as much as to the past.
• What were the big films or hobbies when you – or the birthday boy or girl – were young? Who was Prime Minister or President? Are there some silly parallels you can draw between the two times? For example, you’ve gone from watching the new Star Wars as a kid to… watching the new Star Wars as a grandfather.

How long should the speech be?

As a general rule, the more informal the setting the shorter a speech should be. If everyone is standing, their feet will thank you if you keep it snappy. You can cover a good amount in 5-6 minutes. Remember – fun stories and jokes will help make the speech zip along whatever its length.

Final thoughts

Overall, don’t over-think a birthday speech. They are often improvised so people might not be expecting a scripted speech. But if you do deliver a well-crafted cracker, it will make the day even more special. As a professional speech writer, I’d be delighted to help there. For more info about me and my All Write On The Night service, take a look at my after-dinner speech page.