A groomsman and best man stood next to each other.
Turning a best man speech from flabby to funny can be hard, but this blog is here to help!

You’re standing up in front of the wedding guests, speech in hand. How confident are you feeling? Probably a lot more if you know your speech contains several good Best Man jokes. They really are your “get out of jail free” card. Essentially, they’ll stop you feeling like you’ve just walked into a lion’s den wearing trousers made of raw steak.

However, not everyone likes writing gags. In the same way that not everyone likes assembling IKEA wardrobes. So, at the end of the blog, there are some examples of best man speech jokes to inspire you.

To nail a funny best man speech, you’ll also need to lose the flab and make every word count. So how do you get your speech match fit? This blog will cover the things to do and the things to avoid when writing a brilliantly funny best man speech. So, let’s get cracking!

Things To Do To Create A Funny Best Man Speech

A picture of wedding guests having a laugh
Read on for some more tips for creating a funny best man speech.

A funny Best Man speech is more than stuffing it full of lots of Best Man gags. It needs craft too. With a few simple tweaks you can lose the flab and maximise the fun.

Finish with the funny

Don’t crash your laugh lines. Ask yourself: what is the most interesting or impactful element of your story or Best Man joke? Is it at the end of the sentence or paragraph? If the answer is no, you’ll probably want to move it there.

Here’s an example.

“GROOM thought it’d be a good idea to re-create the 110 metres hurdles in his living room. When he leaped over the armchair and flew head-first into the patio doors, we all fell about laughing.”

Lose the unnecessary ending and, instead, build up to the pay off.

“GROOM thought it’d be a good idea to re-create the 110 metres hurdles in his living room. With a mixture of awe and disbelief, we watched him leap over the armchair and fly head-first into the patio doors.”

Do this throughout your speech and you have a greater chance of turning smiles to laughter.


If you’ve got lots of stories but don’t know how to fit them in, use headlines. Basically, turn the story into a Best Man one-liner. A good place to do this is after all the main anecdotes. You can then rattle off several examples.

Ladies and gentlemen, GROOM’s life is like a long-running comedy series. Past episodes include:

The Man Who Mistook His Sink For A Toilet

Why You Should Never Leave GROOM Alone With A Bottle of Wine, A Credit Card And Internet Access.

And not forgetting…

The Day GROOM Opened His Wallet For The First And Last Time

Doing this, you can get the punchline of the story in one sentence. Or you can hint at a mildly rude story without giving the unrepeatable details. You let the audience fill in the gaps!

Things To Avoid In Creating A Best Man Speech With Jokes

Someone writing a speech with two microphones in hand.

For a truly funny Best Man speech, you want your Best Man jokes to shine not get swamped in unnecessary words. So, here are some things to watch out for.


Don’t use too much signposting or padding. It can sound like a school essay where you are just trying to increase your word count.

“I think you’ll all agree it has been an amazing day so far…”

“As those of us who’ve grown up with GROOM will testify…”

“There are literally hundreds of stories today I could tell you all today about GROOM…”

If you’re going to add a twist to the end of these sentences, great – you’ve got yourself another Best Man one-liner. However, if not, consider removing the line or boil it down. So, after you write your first draft, take out your metaphorical red pen. Strike out any preamble that doesn’t help the flow, emotion or laughter.

Clunky transitions

“Anyway, moving on…”

“Anyway” is probably the one word you don’t want in your speech. Such an abrupt transition can save time but gives the sense that the speech has not been crafted. As with any comedy rule, there are always exceptions. But if it’s there because you don’t know how to get from one section to another, drop it and look for another transition.

Some possible transitions include:

“The case for the prosecution doesn’t end there…”

“While you try to scrub that image from your memories, I am afraid there’s more…”

“The years advanced. Unfortunately, GROOM’s mental age didn’t…”

Every word is key, so why not try to turn your transitions into Best Man speech jokes!

How To Write A Funny Best Man Speech With Examples

A lady reading her written wedding speech.
Writing a joke-filled best man speech can be straightforward!

Now we’ve covered some do’s and don’ts of creating a funny best man speech, let’s look at some examples of jokes you can use in your best man speech to take your speech to that next level.

Do remember that all Best Man one-liners should feel part of the speech not parachuted in. The best example of a funny Best Man speech is one that flows and where every word deserves its place.

Struggling to create a funny best man speech on your own? Why not choose my professional best man speech writing service to ease your worries? 

General icebreakers

You might want your Best Man opening line to be light-hearted rather than a big attempt to be funny. It’s lower stakes and you’ll feel less pressure. Here are some examples:

“Good afternoon, everyone. It’s my great privilege to be GROOM’s Best Man today. And that’s the first and only line in this speech that won’t make GROOM squirm in his seat.”

“To his credit, GROOM has very few regrets in life. And straight in at number one is asking me to speak today.”

Here are some Best Man speech opening lines that are more “on the nose”:

“Good afternoon, everyone. It’s time for the Best Man speech. I don’t know who’s more nervous – the groom, the bride or the person who’ll be responsible for dry cleaning my/the groom’s trousers.”

“I was told giving a Best Man speech is like being a male stripper. It’s important to be warmed up but don’t reveal everything all at once.”

If you want one that can be adapted, simply change some of the descriptions below.

“I look forward to telling you all what a thoughtful, romantic, sport-hating, pub-avoiding man GROOM is. And if you believe that, I’ve also got some class A icing sugar I’d like to sell you.”

Length of speech

You can toy with the guests with this as they’ve no idea how long your Best Man speech is going to be. An old classic is: “I hope you’ll all be entertained over the next 45 minutes. Sorry… 4 to 5 minutes.”

Here is another:

“Groom can relax as I am not going to list all of his flaws. The venue’s only booked till 2am.”

Setting expectations

Trailing the content of the speech can be fun, especially if you add a twist.

“You will be pleased to hear this speech will contain no elements of a sexual nature. A bit like GROOM’s early 20s.”

“I was told to keep this speech clean and family friendly. Which, given GROOM’s life, is a bit like being asked to do a Western without cowboys, a horror film without blood or porn without nudity.”

Being nervous

Whether you are anxious about giving the speech or not, this is something that everyone can instantly relate to.

“I’ve heard the 3 most nerve-racking things you can do in life are juggle chainsaws, swim with Great White sharks or give a Best Man’s speech sober. Well, I wasn’t taking any chances there. [RAISE YOUR DRINK] Cheers!”

Being chosen

It is quite common for the Best Man to simply make this up. No one really cares how it happened so it’s a free hit.

“Given all he’s done in life, I know GROOM was nervous about who would give the speech. Basically, choosing his Best Man was like choosing which way to have his testicles removed.”

“When I was asked to be Best Man, I knew it meant having to organise an event where GROOM dressed up in silly clothes, got drunk and embarrassed himself. Or as it’s usually called – Saturday night in his local pub.”

Wedding jokes

The focus of most Best Man jokes is, of course, the hapless groom. But you can widen your net. The occasion itself, and marriage in general, are fertile ground.

“They say marriage is an institution. But there again so is His Majesty’s Prison Service / The Federal Bureau of Prisons.”

“A wedding celebrates the joining together of two people in the eyes of family, friends and the most important of all – the taxman.”

“One fateful evening, the arrow of true love struck BRIDE. It also struck BRIDE that GROOM was totally drunk.”

Here’s a blog post with some more wedding jokes

The groom himself

You don’t always need lots of stories to create a funny Best Man speech. Just pick a few of his flaws or foibles and brainstorm some ideas. If all goes well, you’ll end up with some great personalised Best Man jokes.

Here are some angles and examples:

Bad timekeeping

“John’s timekeeping is so bad that when he types “sorry” into a smartphone it autocompletes to: ‘Sorry, running late’”

Fashion choices

“I don’t want to make too much of his dodgy fashion choices, but the only way GROOM could ever look a million dollars is if he started with two million.”

“I think we can all agree GROOM looks great today. Which is what happens when someone else chooses his clothes for him.”


Is he obsessive about his appearance, the cleanliness of his home or the ways things are ordered on his shelves?

“In the time it takes GROOM to get ready, you could hitchhike across America or build the Pyramids.”

“I wouldn’t say every aspect of John’s life is ruled by spreadsheets, but I’ve heard he’s budgeted 5 minutes for fun in the bridal suite… and 4 of those are getting undressed.”

“GROOM really is the sworn enemy of dirt. Even his trainers have to be more spotless than a child minder’s personal references.”

Sports mad

“GROOM is mesmerised by anything on TV involving men chasing or hitting a ball. He’s like a cat staring at a goldfish bowl.”


Has he worn mirrors out by looking at them?

“I couldn’t possibly accuse GROOM of being vain but whenever he passes a mirror, he’s in danger of getting whiplash.”

And finally….

…it’s time for some Best Man speech ending jokes. Once you’ve made some heartfelt remarks near the end, there’s always room for one last laugh.

“Thank you for listening to my first… and almost certainly last… Best Man speech. It has been a pleasure to list GROOM’s achievements and qualities… in such a miraculously short space of time.”

When couples first meet and can’t keep their hands off each other, they are told: “Guys, get a room.” Now you’re married, you might find that becomes: “Guys, get a spare room!”

“If the joy of married life is overcoming obstacles and facing challenges, BRIDE has chosen well. GROOM will provide her with plenty of those.”

Funny Best Man Speeches From A Professional Speech Writer

A picture of a bride, groom and best man laughing together.
Delivering a best man speech can be a magical experience especially if the groom is your brother.

I hope that all helps. If you feel you’d like some further assistance, look no further. I am, Marc Blakewill, a professional speech writer who can write you a funny best man speech full of great, original jokes. If you’d like more info on my highly rated Best Man speech writing service, feel free to call me on 07740683692 or email me at marc@allwriteonthenight.com.