After dinner gags symbolised by microphone

After-dinner gags


Are you an after-dinner or conference speaker looking for bespoke jokes and ice-breakers? Just give me details of the audience you will be speaking to and I will pen some gags about them/their industry: original gags written to order from a writer who’s done gags for shows on BBC Radio 2 and Radio 4, ITV and Channel 4.

Everything is done over email and, if you prefer, the phone. It’s a quick and efficient process with a fast turnaround.

Just click below to make a payment: £100 per set of 10 gags. (see below for full process).

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How does it work?

  • Make a payment by clicking the PayPal button below
  • I get in touch and take the brief over email/phone
  • We agree deadlines
  • I write the gags/ice-breakers
  • I make any changes you need


 Can you do topical material?

Yes. And schedule-permitting, I can also write topical jokes up to the day itself allowing you to impress your audience with a joke or two about a news story that has only just broken.

I want a 2.5-page speech and 5 gags. Do I pro-rate your costs?

Yes. That would be 2.5 X £150 + 0.5 X £100 = £425. In such a case, it’s easier to pay me direct than via the shop.

How do I pay direct?

Email me or use the contact form and I can give you my PayPal or bank transfer details.

What shows and people have you written gags and sketches for?

The Weakest Link (BBC2), The 11 O’Clock Show (C4), 2DTV (ITV1), Headcases (ITV1), The Charlotte Church Show (C4), The All Star Impressions Show (ITV1), Parsons & Naylor (Radio 2), Weekending (Radio 4).

People who’ve delivered my gags and lines include:

Charlotte Church, Russell Howard, Matt Baynton, Iain Lee, Ann Robinson, Andy Parsons and Henry Naylor, Kevin Eldon, Cariad Lloyd, Mark Heap, Anita Dobson, Simon Brodkin (as Lee Nelson) and Jerry Hall. Yes, that Jerry Hall.

I am hosting an event for the International Association for the Appreciation of Aggregate Gravel. Is that still something you can do?

No problem. I have written gags about all sorts of sectors, from data cloud storage to power tools. You’d be surprised what jokes one can mine from the duller-sounding industries. Bring on the gravel jokes, I say!

Is that last one really a frequently asked question?

No. Well spotted.

For further information or if you have any questions, email me at [email protected]