So many Best Man speeches start with copy and pasted gags from the web. If you can personalise an opening joke, you’re on to a winner. Here are some ideas to help you:

“I am here to pay tribute to a man of infinite creativity. A man who counts work as a hobby and going to the pub as his patriotic duty. A man who is truly one in a million. And thank heavens for that.”

“Good afternoon, everyone. The oldest story ever told is boy meets girl. A story we are here to celebrate. But in the rich tapestry of life, there are other stories: such as girl waits endlessly for boy to come back from the golf course; girl follows trail of dirty cups to the boy’s bedroom; and girl feeds boy otherwise boy would starve to death. Because, of course, the boy in question is none other than GROOM’S FULL NAME.”

The above can obviously be adapted to suit any groom. For more icebreakers, take a look at my blog post on Best Man speech openers.

Whether it was at school, work or in the maternity ward, this can be surprisingly fruitful. It shows how long you’ve known each other and sets up your friendship. Here are some angles:

• Has he changed since school? Should he have changed since school?
• How long have you known him? 10, 20, 30 years? Perhaps you’d get less for armed robbery.
• If you’re brothers, you could still joke about how you felt on your first meeting. “If this little bald guy thinks he’s now number one, he’s got another thing coming.”

As you’ll see, Best Man speech ideas can always come from a simple fact.

Have some fun with this. Essentially, exaggerate!

• If he seemed a bit withdrawn: “GROOM was his usual happy-go-lucky self. He looked like a man whose dog had just been shot.”
• Wearing dodgy clothes? “When I saw what he was wearing, my first instincts were to offer him soup and shelter.”
• Noisy? “His laugh could have been heard from the International Space Station.”

Your speech is a story – even a bromance – so you can borrow from the world of romantic comedies. You met, didn’t seem suited, then hit it off famously.

Good Best Man speech ideas don’t need to rely on outlandish things. Even a normal job has comic potential. Is his job title so dull that people are in danger of falling asleep before they hear the end? Is it something every child dreamed of being? “When I grow up, I want to be a Digital Marketing content supervisor.”

Some Best Men panic. “I don’t have any stories!” Don’t worry. The groom’s personality is a story in itself. Here are some areas to explore:

Attachment to places

Is getting the groom to leave his local town more difficult than extracting a tooth? Did his passport only lose its virginity in his 20s? If the groom is a bit of a stick-in-the-mud, turn it to your advantage.

Creature of routine or OCD

If he’s a bit obsessive, make up a daily routine he follows. The more extreme the better.

A Day In The Life of GROOM

7.30am Tuck into a delicious 55 grams of muesli. 60 grams if it’s my birthday.

7.45am Brush teeth for 2 minutes 15 seconds. Add extra 15 seconds if had curry the night before.

7.55am Make sure we still have at least 15 spare toilet rolls.

8.00am Check the trains are running on time.

8.01am Check the trains are still running on time just in case.

He’s yet to leave the house, and you’ve already got 30 seconds of potential material.

Gadgets and equipment

Perhaps he’s bought a rowing machine he’s only used once. “The delivery man burned more calories carrying it to the door”. Or maybe he keeps so many spare leads there’s now an international copper shortage.

You could even make up a fictional gadget that might tempt him. “Show him an ad for a laser-guided nasal hair remover and it’ll be in his Amazon basket before you can say ‘TOTAL… WASTE… OF… MONEY.’”

Hobbies

Are his hobbies where his salary goes to die? Does he devote more time to them than a mother to her new-born? Again, a flight of fantasy can work here. Take something that’s true – he loves to watch football – then turn it up a few notches.

Positively bad

Some grooms have more virtues than a saint. In this case, use reverse alchemy. Turn his good qualities into flaws. For example: “He’s too generous. He’s too considerate. He makes the rest of us look bad.”

Trust me. The groom is a mine of comic gems waiting to be unearthed. For more pointers, take a look at my Best Man Speech Hack.

Use these towards the end of your speech so you can build up to them. If you have too many to tell, boil them down to one line.

“And I haven’t even covered him falling asleep in a nightclub toilet, trying to outsprint a fox, dropping his burger on the pavement then eating it, asking a lamppost out for a fight and taking a shower fully clothed. That was some night.”

It’s not compulsory to mention the stag do. Things might have occurred that would have made a Viking blush. On the other hand, it might have been so moral it could have been a Disney animation. If nothing notable happened, don’t force it. In fact, why not make a virtue of your lack of vice? Perhaps it was the only stag do in history that could have shamed a vegan yoga retreat.

If the evening or trip away was raucous, let your hints do all the work. You could even give timings: “Highlights were definitely Friday 11.05pm to 11.15pm and Saturday 8pm to 8.27pm. Any more detail than that and I would not make it from this room alive.” The guests fill in the gaps with their imaginations. If they imagine the worst, that’s on them!

The Best Man speech shouldn’t be a series of humiliating stories delivered by a one-man firing squad. Praise has its place. Something kind near the top shows you understand that balance is required. And ending with some heartfelt appreciation of him will be enjoyed by the guests as much as the groom.

Don’t just list his qualities. Try to pick an example of a virtue in action. The time he was there for you after losing a job; that wise advice you’ll always remember; putting up a shelf for you as he knew your attempt would have halved the value of the house.

Show amazement that your friend or brother has found such a great woman. It gently mocks him and praises her: win-win. You can then become more serious and describe what a fantastic couple they are. This is a natural lead in to the final toast – “To the bride and groom!”

People often search for “Best Man speech ideas” because they have no big set-piece Best Man stories or worry that too many are unsuitable. I hope this post shows that with a bit of lateral thinking, you can extract jokes from the normal and the everyday. Of course, if the groom was arrested while dressed as a nun on the stag do, you might just find a place for that too!

You might also find that a specific framework will help you come up with even more Best Man speech ideas. Take a look at my post on Best Man speech structure (including how to do a Best Man speech CV). So, keep your structure clear and simple, brainstorm as much as you can and watch those ideas flow!